IM
by I the Dreamer
Summary: Alright, so what if all of our favorite villains had a website where they constantly texted each other? A blog, perhaps. Interested yet? check out my other stories as well and get ready for a good read
1. Chapter 1

It was the end to yet another day in the life of our favorite villain, Voldemort. This is just a sample of his 'Ruling the World' stuff-to-do list.

1) Kill Harry

2) Take over the world

3) get more soda

4) write more detailed plans

As you can see, it's not the best plan ever. He checks his list, frowns, then logs on to the 'Villain' chat site. Pretty soon, IMs are popping up and he's on a roll.

(real live chat featuring Voldemort(red), Morgarath(blue), Capricorn(green), Harry Potter(orange), Halt(purple))

LordVoldy12 has logged in.

LordVodly12: Hey everybody!

RulerofAll: Hey, voldy's in the house!

Shadowmaster: wassup homie?

LordVoldy12: The usual.

RulerofAll: How's taking over the world goin' for ya way out there in London?

LordVoldy12: Oh, you know how I work. Today, I foiled Dumbledore's feeble attempts at tracking me down, had a meeting with my Death Eaters (BORING), and killed 3 people. Nobody panic, it was called an 'Accident' by the Muggles.

RulerofAll: Lame. Wassup with u, Capris?

Shadowmaster: I do think my plan was much better.

LordVoldy12: Can't top the master.

Shadowmaster: Oh yea? I summoned the shadow! It swallowed up several ppl! I can beat you any day of the week!

LordVoldy12: Sunday, then?

SHadowmaster: ur on!

RulerofAll: Gentelmen, plz! Wat is this, anyway? A duel site? NO! can we just get ON with out conference?

RocksUrSocks101 has logged in.

RocksUrSocks101: Just checkin' in to gloat. HA HA VOLDY!

LordVoldy12: Idk wat ur talkin' bout!

RocksUrSocks101: Check out the username, THEN come and try again.

RulerOfAll: Silence, child. The masterminds are busy.

shadowmaster: ohh burn!!!

RocksUrSocks101: Who invited the moron?  
LordVoldy12: he's got a point.

(phone rings)

LordVoldy12: Xcuse me for a 'mo.

Voldy picks up the phone.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" he shouts into the phone.

"Geez, don't yell. I was just calling to tell you about this REALLY funny video on VilTube." The familiar voice of a Death eater quietly says.

"Do tell." Voldy says, suddenly intrigued.

"Alright, go look up, 'Voldy rules, Harry drools'. It's HILARIOUS."

"Whatever. You interrupted my chat. What did you REALLY call to tell me?"

"Oh, yea. Well, the plan is going exactly as planned. I went out to the lake, and caught you a fresh bass."

Voldy slaps himself upside the head. "No, you moron, not the DINNER plan, the RULE THE WORLD PLAN."

"Oh right. Well..." the phone suddenly goes silent. Voldy sighes, hears the rumbling of his stomach, and gets out a phone book.

ARCHIE'S FAMOUS ROMAN PIZZA!

456-879-PIZZA

Voldy calls the number.

"Welcome to Archie's Pizza. My name is (insert name here). Oh, right. My name is Chad. How may I be serving you.. today?"

"I'd like to place an order."

"For here or carry out?"

"I'm not in the restaurant you idiot! Of COURSE it's carry-out!"

"Would you like to place and order with us.. today?"

"YES! I would like a pizza."

"Small, medium, large, or Archie?"

"Large, with extra cheese, peppers, jalapeños, peanut butter, anchovies.."

"Whoa, dude, like slow down. What size pizza again?"

"LARGE YOU IMBECIL!"

"Right. Would you like toppings on your pizza?"

"Why would I just order the dough? You moron. I'll have cheese..."

"Mozzarella?"

"What other kind do you PUT on a pizza?"

"I dunno. Like, mozzarella, I guess."

Voldy slaps his head. "Stupid Muggle!"

"No need for insults, dude, I'm just taking your order. Now, what would you like to order today?"

"I'd like a LARGE pizza, with EXTRA CHEESE, ONIONS, JALAPENOS, ANCHOVIES, and PEPPERS!"

There was a pause on the phone. "Hello. My name is (insert name here). Oh, right. Sorry. Hello. My name is (insert na-- Chad. How may I be serving you today?"

"Nevermind."

"Would you like cheese on that?"

"I said NEVERMIND! GOODBYE!" he slams the phone back onto the receiver, then turns back to his chat.

Shadowmaster: DO you want to take this outside?!

RocksUrSocks101: BRING IT ON, BUDDY!

RulerOfAll: CAN WE PLZ SETTLE THIS IN AN ORDERLY FASHION?

LordVoldy12: Guys, you won't believe what I've just been through. So I call the pizza place, and this STUPID muggle answers the phone. OMG I HATE THEM SO MUCH! WHY CAN'T THEY JUST GO FALL DOWN A WELL?!

RocksUrSocks101: did u just insult my fam?

LordVoldy12: Yes, I did. Lily WAS A MUGGLE! So, by genetics, if ya'll wanna get all technical, U r too, Harry.

RocksUrSocks101: OH YEA?

UnseenRanger87 has logged in.

RulerOfAll: Oh gr8.

UnseenRanger87: What seems to be the problem here?

LordVoldy12: Go fall down a well!

ShadowMaster: Voldy here is having issues with humanity.

UnseenRanger87: Oh rly?

RocksUrSocks101: he INSULTED me!

RulerOfAll: pwned is a btr word 4 it.

LordVoldy12: You JUST GOT PWNED! SUCKA!  
UnseenRanger87: So it would seem. You have to face facts, Harry. He pwned u.

Shadowmaster: PWN!!!!!!

RocksUrSocks101: Oh shut up.

RulerOfAll: Shut up is a mean word.

LordVoldy12: It's a mean world. =)

UnseenRanger87: BURN!!

Shadowmaster: Now who's the idiot?! HUH? HUH? :D

RocksUrSocks101: Whatev, i'm outta here. :(

RocksUrSocks101 has logged out.

RulerOfAll: As am I. I'm tired of being put down all the time! :'(

RulerOfAll has logged out.

ShadowMaster: HUH?! HUH?! HUH?!

ShadowMaster has logged out.

UnseenRanger87: I rly must be going. Will looks rather perplexed, and Morgarath is up to something. He usually doesn't just log out like that.

UnseenRanger87 has logged out.

LordVoldy12: Well, looks like it's just down to me. - sigh - Good night. Evil can't just do itself, now can it?

LordVoldy12 has logged out.

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R&R More to come I promise!


	2. Chapter 2

Morgarath sat back after another successful day of evil, checking off the last thing on this check list.

1) make more minions

2) go to grocery

3)return library books LATE and DON'T pay the fine!

4) ruin Halt's day

It was just another one of those days. After successfully misplacing Halt's dry-cleaning, Morgarath also made the coffee run out, making it the worst day of Halt's life. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Morgarath coughed, embarrassed at his outburst. Usually he can keep the maniacal laughing to a minimum, but today it seems that he forgot to take his medicine to make him semi-sane. He took a shower, applied his 'beauty cream for the gorgeous', and logged on to his favorite website,

**RulerofAll has logged in.**

RulerofAll: wassup my villainous colleagues?

LordVoldy12: someone's been to college lately

HarryPotterisAwesome: ur MOMS been 2 college!

RulerofAll: yes, yes she has.

**UnseenRanger87 has logged in.**

RulerofAll: how was your day, Halt?

UnseenRanger87: shut up, Morgarath.

RulerofAll: found your dry-cleaning?

UnseenRanger87: seen your nail polish lately?

Morgarath, surprised, looked at his desktop, where he kept his nail polish. He gasped, realizing that it was gone. Furious, he began to type

RulerofAll: HOW DARE YOU!

UnseenRanger87: How dare I? Oh plz. Hiding my dry-cleaning in a clothes washer isn't your best idea ever, is it? Also, since when do you buy half-price beauty cream?

RulerofAll: Since when do you raid my house and STEAL MY NAIL POLISH? Also, the economy for black market products has reached an all time low, so I've had to cut back a little on petty things.

LordVoldy12: lol... nail polish.

HarryPotterisAwesome: Voldy you're the 1 who gets the manicures here.

LordVoldy12: U can't prove any of that.

HarryPotterisAwesome: salons have security tapes, Voldy-which-rhymes-with-Baldy

Lord Voldy12: you take that back!

HarryPotterisAwesome: NEVER!

LordVoldy12: AVADA KEDAVRA!

HarryPotterisAwesome: Dude, u know that doesn't work here, right?

LordVoldy12: ...

**LordVoldy12 has logged out.**

HarryPotterisAwesome: what a loser.

RulerofAll: You're the loser here, Harry Potter-tater-totter!

HarryPotterisAwesome: that was terrible. Is that best you got, Morgarath-of-bath-wrath!

RulerofAll: Oh, my rhyming is awful. -_- Y isn't your name HarryPotterisaRetard?

HarryPotterisAwesome: NO ONE LIKES YOU!

UnseenRanger87: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COFFEE?

**HaltSTINKS has logged in.**

**GilanisaMastermind has logged in.**

UnseenRanger87: Will.

HaltSTINKS: um... aren't u usually asleep at this time?

GilanisaMastermind: O.O I can hear the awkward bells ringing

HarryPotterisAwesome: Will! my man!

HaltSTINKS: um... not the time, Harry

UnseenRanger87: -_-

GilanisaMastermind: QK I'm a ninja!

RulerofAll: and how was ur day, Gilan?

GilanisaMastermind: Not bad. My cell died, but other than that it's been good.

RulerofAll: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I killed your cellular phone!

HaltSTINKS: I thought Gilan dropped it in a puddle.

UnseenRanger87: Will, go 2 bed.

HaltSTINKS: yes halt.

GilanisaMastermind: Will, you're a regular Ranger now! You don't have 2 do what Halt tells you!

UnseenRanger87: shut up, Gilan

GilanisaMastermind: yes Halt.

HaltSTINKS: HA!

UnseenRanger87: Will...

**HaltSTINKS has logged out.**

RulerofAll: Well, this is awkward...

UnseenRanger87: You can get your nail polish back if you put $24.67 in your mailbox and send it to 8787 Redmont Castle, Araluen, extension C: Halt's house. or, if you phone 1-800-IHAVEYOURNAILPOLISH, you may get further detailed instructions and where and how to find your nail polish. It will be in a puddle outside your door to the right underneath the torch that glows weirdly and beside the big ugly guy who only works there on Tuesday. It will only be there AFTER January 15th, or when you give your deposit. If this seems too complicated, TOO BAD. :)

RulerofAll: I hate you.

GilanisaMastermind: I suppose it's a mutual thing.

UnseenRanget87: right...

HarryPotterisAwesome: PIZZA MY PLACE!

GilanisaMastermind: I'm there!

**GilanisaMastermind has logged out.**

**HarryPotterisAwesome has logged out.**

RulerofAll: Kids these days.

UnseenRanger87: Well, I need to go b4 Will climbs out the window to sneak off to london. Same 2morrow, Morgarath?

RulerofAll: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ... of course. I look forward to ruining tomorrow.

UnseenRanger87: Uh, same.

**UnseenRanger87 has logged out.**

**RulerofAll has logged out.**

Morgarath went to his bedroom, lie down, and dreamt wonderful dreams of hitting Halt with water balloons and ultimately making him soaked all day!

- it rained the next day. THE END

R&R pls!


End file.
